Radical Acceptance?

It is rare I want to pick apart a comic, even for a learning point.  To me, the best humor is something that you instantly get and just resonates.  Picking it apart, takes away the very thing it does best; make you laugh.  But that's exactly what I want to do here.  No, not take away the laughter, but to make a point. 

The notion of Radical Acceptance has made it's way into popular conversation.  Probably primarily due to Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now" and Oprah Winfrey.  In psychology, the notion of Radical Acceptance has been integrated into the therapeutic approaches of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) by Marsha Linehan and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) by Steven Hayes, though the concept is also utilized in many other therapies and has been utilized in many religious practices and philosophical approaches, especially Buddhism. 

In a nutshell, Radical Acceptance is accepting something for exactly what it is and letting go of demanding it be anything else.  This can apply to a person, place, or thing, but is most often applied to a situation -- usually what is going on at the present moment (i.e., the now).

Most do not realize that we often demand people, places, and things -- especially in current situations -- be other than they are.  If I go to see a blockbuster movie that had good reviews and I find it boring, I could get angry as I am watching it demanding (even subtly in my head) that the movie be better than I perceive it to be.  Of course, to those who reviewed it and those who have gone back a second time, it is better than I perceive it to be.  But, if I demand I enjoy the movie at the level of those people and blame it on the movie, I am not accepting reality: I think the movie is dull and feel disconnected from it (i.e., bored).  But, we are talking about the comic.

Two children are playing chase in a living area where what appears to be their father is sitting in a chair (perhaps watching television or relaxing). Perhaps his plan was to enjoy some down time.  Unfortunately, his kids had other ideas (as kids often do).

The dad is portrayed telling the kids that they are making "radical acceptance of now" very, very difficult.  Indeed.  He was most probably focusing on his moment in time and taking in the richness of the experience, whether he was meditating or watching the NFL.  Radically accepting a moment like that can bring a fullness to an otherwise good experience that actually enhances joy.  Enter the kids.

The kids probably spoiled dad's joyful moment.  For dad to demand (other words include insist or expect) that the kids be other than they are would provide instant argument with reality -- what is.  That argument would cause the dad to become very upset and/or take measures to control the environment to return it to its previous state, such as punishing the children harshly.  So is the solution radical acceptance?  Not the way dad is seeing it.

The comic implies that "radical acceptance of the now" is being good with it.   But how can an exhausted dad be expected to be good with rambunctious children?  Even the most superhuman of parents reach their breaking point. 

A more helpful application of 'radical acceptance of the now' in the cartoon might be a letting go of the joy of the moment just before the kids entered the room and then radically accepting the moment the kids entered the room -- loud and disruptive.  It is not demanding that the moment be different than it is, but it is also not being happy with the moment either.  This is where a subtle nuance comes in.

Radical acceptance is seeing something for exactly what it is, it is not liking or enjoying it.  Sometimes the moment can be painful, irritating, or even devastating.  It can is, after all, reality.  The liking or disliking something includes other processes involved in our perception and interpretation or the events before us.  Sometimes, such as in the case of screaming children, we don't jump for joy.

So can this father both experience radical acceptance of the now in the moment his children run in the room and feel irritated?  I would say absolutely.  If he sees the moment for what it is and not demand it be anything else, he can see the children as acting in the moment as well.  Dad is less likely to bring the emotional baggage of his past which usually manifests as demands for how ourselves, others, and the situation (or world, or future) should be. 

It does not change the fact that dad was at peace one moment and disrupted in the next.  The disruption could cause him a quick physiological change (e.g., startle response) and he could have a negative evaluation of the moment (e.g., "I want a moment to relax and the kids are making that impossible in this moment").  His natural reaction would to become irritated.  His irritation would most likely cause him to take action such as getting the kids attention and having them play elsewhere. 

A demand creates a narrow perception of what "should be" rather than an open and accepting and, hopefully, more accurate view of "what is." Demands are often mixed up with preferences.  A preference is what we want things to be, but we do not demand them to be.  The dad may prefer, even strongly prefer that his kids not make noise.  That is rational.