The Dark Side of the Masculine

This song starts with the words:

When will I see you again? 
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said, 
No final kiss to seal any sins, 
I had no idea of the state we were in.


It reminded me of a class at the hospital where I teach.  A student was presenting a case where a female client had been wronged by her boyfriend and she took action by burning his clothes a la Angela Bassett's character in "Waiting to Exhale."  The consensus among the predominately female class is that the woman had "picked wrong" and the burning was deserved and they applauded her action.

Cut to just a few minutes later when another student was presenting a case where a woman's boyfriend had moved out and took all of his possessions when she was at work.  She came home to an empty apartment - except for her things.  The class took an opposite view of the perpetrator's actions.  They saw him as wimpy and pathetic.

Could it be that women can do no wrong?  Or is it that men are seen as the initiators of bad actions and deserve whatever they get?  To me it was neither.

I saw the woman who burned her boyfriend's clothes as expressing the dark side of the feminine.  Feminine characteristics are usually seen as nurturing, warmth, and receptive, but the flip side is vicious, cold, and attacking.  This side is rarely seen, but when provoked, can do serious damage.

But the dark side of the masculine is something more mysterious and perplexing to most.  That is what I believe the second student's client was demonstrating.  Masculine characteristics are usually seen as aggressive, confident, and probing, but masculinity's dark flip side is passivity, fear, and withdrawal.

What Adele sings about in her song, "Don't You Remember," alludes to a man who has pulled out of her life without notice or warning.  Either this man was just as hurt and upset as Angela Bassett's character.  Or he is just as insane.

What was notable to me in class is that the students illustrated that most people tend to celebrate aggression when acted out by someone we perceive as generally weak.  And, most condemn passivity when acted out by someone we perceive as generally strong.

What may be most salient (to me anyway) is that all things have an opposite.  Because we know "up," we also know "down." Maybe the opposite of masculine is feminine (and vice versa).  And maybe the dark side of each is a reflection of the sunny side of the other.